I'll make no allusion to the fact that I've been having an identity crisis lately. The image of myself which I perceive conflicts with the me which other people seem to think I am but am not. I don't embody any of the qualities which people think I do; I'm a depressive, a sociopathic, an apathetic, a narcissist, a liar, and an overall reprehensible individual, amongst a slew of other things. I've fucked over more people for my own benefit than anyone could ever imagine and will ever truly know. I thought I'd come to terms with this... but it's always when people tell me who they think I am that my world get flipped and I'm left to fix the mess I've made of myself in the aftermath all over again. Everyone's view of who I am is so much more rose-colored than my understanding of my own character. And I just don't understand why that is.

I've often said that I just want to disappear for a while, to go away. I think I'm finally going to do it as soon as this quarter ends. I'm going to take some time off, cut myself off from the rest of my world, and just disappear for an interval. Who knows, maybe I'll find myself somewhere out there, maybe not. At the very least, maybe I can learn to appreciate what I have instead of fixating on the deficits which I feel compose my life.

P.S.
I really wonder who's bored enough to read these things... I mean, I type these out but even I find my posts highly pretentious. Meh, whatever.